A Messy Breakup

Blog Image: A Messy Breakup

A Relationship can be a strange thing, especially relationships that play out in the public domain. It’s great to feel a part of something, a union, a pairing a special dynamic that empowers an individual and endorses one’s behavior. What we do not do however is deliver a running commentary on the relationship to the rest of our family and friends, especially when that relationship is running into trouble.

Imagine if every conversation or argument if every joyous moment or shared experience was sent as a bulk SMS to our entire contact list. Consider the circumstances that might arise when the way in which we experienced a situation differed from that of the way it may have been experienced by our significant other. We may text one thing when our partner was feeling another. Gauging the temperature of a relationship is of paramount importance when sharing how we feel, being on the same page with a common agenda and sense of value makes for stronger relationships. Ideally however we have a better chance of preserving the sanctity of the relationship if how we feel, what we do, and how its viewed is not broadcast via text or social media to everyone we know with an opinion on our connection.

If we behave courteously during the relationship we are more likely to be able to exit the relationship with honour, dignity and our heads held high, knowing we had done all we can to ensure that respect and honesty have been front and centre of the way we invested our time and self. Recognizing that a relationship is a partnership, a two-way multi-faceted engagement that requires both parties to exercise common decency and respect will ensure that when the relationship breaks down, and relationships do end that respectful acceptance and self esteem from both parties is upheld.

Sadly, breakups are very seldom mutual, they are usually driven by one partner in the relationship. Reasons differ, circumstances change, priorities shift, and along with the pain associated with the end of the relationship, comes the dent to one’s pride and self-esteem especially if the relationship was ended by the other party. Accepting that something that was once good is now over can be extremely difficult especially when the termination of the relationship comes as shock, or surprise. Brutal endings sent by text message or even gradual let downs that we can account for hurt more when they are on the terms of the other party and not one’s own.

What we should most certainly not do however, is allow the burning embers of what was a productive relationship play out in public. We hear it all the time of scorned partners sending late night drink fueled text messages to their ex significant other begging, commenting, or simply ranting that the nature of the breakup can be fixed, that the opportunity to heal and reconcile exists or that the manner of the termination was unfair or based on illegitimate or egregious circumstances. What would be even worse would be the sending of countless SMS or text messages to all our shared contacts claiming that the relationship still had a chance that it was not really over and that you were going to continue as normal in the relationship as you did not accept its end.

The United States has probably just held its most toxic of elections, the relationship between the sitting president and the citizens of the United States has ended in a democratic process that has seen them call it a day after four years of love and hate. It just so happens that the president refuses to accept that the relationship is over, he is using twitter and the social media to rant to all who follow him about the foul nature of how the relationship has ended. Dignity, self-respect and honour are fundamental to the productive ending of any relationship and sadly it does not seem like the American elections of 2020 will align with this thinking. There is one partner in this relationship refusing to acknowledge that the bonds that once bound have ended and that the other partner has moved on. The scorned partner is texting anyone who will listen!